she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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