She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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