just come out here and I will go home with you...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
