and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Vodka?
Forever.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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