I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
