she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
