yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
