will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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