i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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