I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i need some magic done to my vagina
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I love you. Go after that dick
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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