apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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