can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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