I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
