All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
