u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She even gives head with a lisp.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
