i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dignity is for republicans.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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