never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
