Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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