Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
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he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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