john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
