i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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