Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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