We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
