it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
