i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
