When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
