The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
