she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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