3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
