Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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