will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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