We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
