You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish i was in the wii world.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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