oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
