i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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