Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
