We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
