Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
