a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
