I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
