I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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