Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
