Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
