I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
