you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
