why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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