I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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