Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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