the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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