if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
