you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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