you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
