haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There r osticjed everywhere
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
