I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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