So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
