Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Randomize
