She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
