I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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