You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
