Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
