I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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