At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize