Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
