I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
