Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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