i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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