1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize