so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
