i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
