I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
