Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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