cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
