They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
